Opening - "Know when to hold 'em"

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You've got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when to run. Kenny Rogers captured something in that song that feels less like entertainment and more like life advice. Tonight I want to share a few parts of my own life that seem to fit neatly into those four lines.

Welcome - Brisbane, Australia & James Caldwell

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Hi, my name's Brendan O'Sullivan, a Toastmaster from Brisbane, Australia. Welcome to my Toastmasters World Tour podcast. Please join me as I travel virtually around the world and chat to Toastmasters from different countries and all walks of life. Let's explore. This episode, our yacht is in irons, still pointing into the wind at Brisbane, Australia, and going nowhere. Famous for the Brisbane to Glaston yacht race, Wharton Bay Bugs, a relative of the Rock Lobster, and Manley Boat Harbour, the largest recreational boat harbour in the Southern Hemisphere. I chat to my brother-in-law, James Caldwell, listening to hear the conclusion of the same chat started in the last episode, as James delivers a unique and inspiring icebreaker speech.

Why break the ice now?

SPEAKER_01 1:29

No, I volunteered. I felt that I needed to break the ice, so to speak. I needed to just to move forward and take myself out of my comfort zone. It was time. And you're happy with how it went? Yeah, I am. I am very happy. I've still got a lot. Like I got my feedback and my goal is to be authentic and that's what I want with my communication. And I believe I achieved that. It's just trying to get that right balance butt, Brendan, between just being amusing and sharing a message.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Yeah. I love authenticity. I definitely don't like fakeness or anything like that. So authenticity is gold, I think. James, would you be prepared to share your icebreaker speech with us today?

FULL SPEECH - The Gambler: An Ice Breaker Like No Other

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So my speech is The Gambler, which I've covered off a little bit earlier in our podcast, funnily enough. And obviously, the song The Gambler by Kenny Rogers, you've got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when to run run. From my perspective, Kenny Rogers captured something in that song that feels less like entertainment and more like life advice. Tonight I want to share a few parts of my own life that, in hindsight, seem to fit neatly into those four lines. I share them not because I have it all figured out, but because I think many of us only understand the lesson properly after we've lived through it. For me, life has often been about timing. Sometimes holding on when everything in me wanted to let go, sometimes walking away when staying would have been easier. And sometimes running when standing still would have cost me more than I was willing to lose. So I'll start with hold knowing when to hold them. I describe myself as an entrepreneur, which usually means I'm better at seeing the big picture than managing the fine granular detail. And there was a time when that strength turned into a weakness. I'd earned some money, reinvested in it into a new venture, and like many optimistic entrepreneurs, I didn't fully account for the tax that would come due. When my accountant finally called, I learned I had a significant tax bill. In today's terms, it was roughly what a teacher or nurse might earn any year. I did what many people do when they panic with confidence. I scrimped, I saved, I borrowed. I put things on credit cards and told myself I'd fix it later. I thought I had it under control. Then the next year arrived and with it came another tax pill, this time roughly 10 times larger than the first. It felt like finishing a marathon only to be told, good news, there's an ultra marathon starting right now. That was my first real lesson in holding. I learned three things. First, when things go wrong, create space before you react. When I received that second bill, I didn't immediately spiral. I paused, I built a gap between the emotion and the decision and started mapping options. That gap became everything because in calmness, creativity returned. Second, I learned the value of asking for help. I learned I've come to be believe that asking for a favor is one of life's most underrated skills. Some favors are expensive, but others cost nothing, more than some humility and timing, which in my case I seem to have a lot of at different times. And thirdly, I learned the meaning of hard work under pressure. For months I worked long hours, barely saw my family, and carried a level of stress I wouldn't wish on anyone. My wife and two teenage sons saw very little of me during that period. Looking back, those months were some of my most selfish. Not because I didn't care, but because I was consumed by survival. And yet, my family's support, which was quiet, became one of the reasons I was able to hold on at all. Sometimes holding on isn't heroic, it's just endurance. The second part, from my perspective, is knowing when to walk away. So we talked about knowing when to hold them, now knowing when to walk away. For me, that lesson started when I was 16 years old. It was a dark, moonless night in a remote area about 12 kilometers from the nearest town, set between Ipswich and Berner. For reasons I won't go too deeply into, I found myself being told rather directly that I needed to leave home, and so I did. I walked. Not a short walk to clear my head, about 12 kilometres of walking. A long walk into uncertainty. It was dark, there was dogs barking, I was scared, but my options felt simple. Go back into a situation that no longer felt safe, or call keep walking into the unknown. I ended up walking to a small pub that gave me a bed for the ten dollars I had in my pocket. That night changed me. First, I learned that sometimes life doesn't wait for perfect timing. You just move with what you have. Second, stop feeling sorry for myself and learn that life's not a rehearsal and there's no practice version where you get to test outcomes safely. Each day, life is real and each decision matters. So again, keep walking. Third, I learned something simple but powerful. When you're in hell, keep walking. Don't stop in the middle of it. Keep moving until you reach something better. I've never returned to that home. My parents separated not long after, and the environment I left eventually ceased to exist in the same way. Over time I made peace with that chapter. I've been adopted into a loving family as a child, and I came to understand that much of what happened was collateral damage from a marriage breaking down, not a reflection of my my worth. Walking away didn't end my story. It allowed it to continue. The third is knowing when to run. When I was young, I bought a small block of land about three hours west of Brisbane. Money was always tight, but I found a way. My employer at the time offered me extra work, cleaning toilet once a week for $20 in cash, which was known as a redback. It wasn't glamorous, but I treated it as an opportunity. Every dollar went into a separate account eventually into buying that block of land. Later complications arose with that same employer, including underpayment issues, over a long period. I left that employer and the situation escalated into legal conflict. I had to get a lawyer, and in the end, I sold the land about two years later for roughly four times what I paid. But most of it went to legal costs. On paper, it looked like a win and a loss at the same time. Emotionally, it was more complicated. I had felt wronged and wanted retribution. I wanted to prove a point. But instead of chasing that, I chose to run. Not from responsibility, but from bitterness. I shifted my focus to building forward rather than fighting backward. That decision taught me three things. First, sometimes life hurts, and there's no clean resolution. You can still move forward without closure. Second, material things matter less than we think. Land, money, possessions, they can be rebuilt. Time and mental energy cannot. And third, and most importantly, I learned that revenge is rarely a productive investment. I don't know whether that person repeated those behaviors with others. I can't control that. What I can control is whether I let that experience define my future and I chose not to. I ran, not away from life, but toward it. So when I reflect on Kenny Rogers' words, I see my life in them more clearly than I expected. Know when to hold them. When endurance, patience are your best tools. Know when to walk away, when staying costs more than leaving, and knowing when to run, when the only way forward is to release what you can't fix. If there's one thing I've learned, it's this don't fold, not when there's still something worth playing for. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Oh

Reaction - Authenticity & vulnerability

SPEAKER_00 10:10

my god, James, that's amazing. Well, what really blows me away is the content of what you're saying. For an icebreaker, I've never heard one like that. I myself have been doing it for five years, I thought I was an oversharer in terms of I thought Toastmasters have heard all sorts of things about me that I wouldn't normally share with people. I thought they knew me well because I've shared a lot of stuff. And yet after five years, I've been accused of they don't really, I must sound quite superficial, I guess, to them, but haven't shared enough. But to share something so deep and personal is astounding and a real testament to you. And we talked about vulnerability, and you know, most of us are just vulnerable to get up there and say, hi, I'm Brendan, you know, hi, I'm Bill, and it look at people. To share those inner thoughts, that's that's something really quite exceptional. So well done. And I know my advanced Toastmasters friends would lap that up. They would think that was fantastic. So really deep.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

I hope it doesn't sound like I've got it all answered for. I'm just probably just really trying to say I just really love the song, Kenny Rogers, and I can see how it resonates in my life, you know?

SPEAKER_00 11:31

No, absolutely. That definitely came across, and I think it definitely came across a lot of humility and just life lessons, and that is Toastmaster's gold, let me tell you. Because it's real and it's authentic. It's the authentic you, it's not a mask or or something superficial. That is contest level type stuff. And then all you need to do is practice that sort of thing so that the delivery, there was nothing wrong with delivery, but they talk about body movements, all sorts of things. But content was amazing. That is what Toastmasters want to hear. They want to hear mistakes people have made or what lessons they've learned and the deeper reflections on that. To be able to do that as your icebreaker is exceptional.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

I think retribution in particular, that third part of it where I talk about knowing when to run, you know, I often reflect on that a lot and think we're often taught to stand up to bullies and blah, blah, blah. But if that's not a high power factivity for you, then just walk away. You know, like that's how I feel. And then they say, well, you know, they could do it again. And, you know, well, okay, they might. But at the same time, they might not either. You know, they might go, far east. I did all that and I got nothing out of it. What's the point of me behaving like that? I'm not gonna behave like that. But for me, I'm much happier having worked towards, I'm trying to be responsible to me. My happiness is, and me, my health and well-being is my responsibility. And I felt like I did that by going, right, oh, that happened. I can engage with that guy and seek retribution. Or I I was 23 or 24 at the time, and man, I wanted so badly. But, you know, it was just not going to be a high power factivity for me. Working towards what was amazing for me was where it was at. You know, it's like you learning to fly, you know, that's an investment, it takes time. But, you know, like that's going towards amazing for you and enables you to endure life by doing things that make you feel amazing or that are a growth for you, you know.

Evaluation & Leonard Cohen's Anthem

SPEAKER_00 13:43

And that's the same for me. But don't take it just from me. I mean, tell me about your evaluation. You did you get some feedback on the night? Oh, yes. A formal evaluation? I did.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

And in particular, there was a guest that had been around for a long time in Toastmasters, and he came up to me and said, holy moly, that attaching it to a song, The Gambler. He talked about Leonard Cohen and a song he does called Cracked or Cracks or something like that. And I'm gonna listen to that song now because he said, because it really worked for me in giving me a backbone to my speech to being able to not have to remember well, like I remembered every bit of it, and the song helped me with just giving me that rhythm.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Brilliant device, yeah. And you also got a formal evaluation on the night, though? Yes. How did that go? Good.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

It was great in actual fact. There was some areas there where I did refer to my notes a couple of times. Uh-huh. And that was a break, which they said that was an area for improvement for me. But my vocals was a positive, and my hand gestures was a positive, or my non-verbals was a positive.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

And

What's Next - Debate, Belonging & Leadership

SPEAKER_00 15:06

any planned Toastmasters wise coming up?

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Well, there's a debate that we're doing, interclub debate, and we're doing it on Are Kindles Better Than Books? Oh, that'd be up your alley, wouldn't it? Yes. Well, it's funnily, I love a book, but I seem to do everything on Kindles. So, but I'll be I'll be very keen to see my fellow. I'm very collegial with my it's funny, I've only been there six months, but I'm very protective of my little club and my club mates, and I want them to do well, you know? Oh, that's awesome. I love that. So I'll be there cheerleading, not with pom-poms or a short skirt. Maybe you should try the pom-poms or something.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

I should I should, you're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

That'd be quite the look. You're right, you're right. I should stop being sexist and do some, get my own Leotard and get it out there. That I've got to see.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

I could break the internet with that. Have you had any thoughts of going in competitions?

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Not at all. Not at all. As I said, I'm a real cheerleader for my club. That's good. Yeah, awesome. That's funny, isn't it? I'm six months in and I refer to them as my club, you know, and I think you know, that's what winning looks like for me, you know. Yeah, that's awesome. I feel a sense of belonging, and I don't know why, but maybe it is because we are vulnerable together. Yeah, I love that. And we're all learning. And as I said, I the only other time I've had this kind of experience was, as I said, doing that half marathon and the whole world's cheering you on.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah. Reminds me of that movie, wasn't it? Britney Does a Marathon. Yes. Yes. Have you had any thoughts of leadership roles?

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Not at this stage. I really see myself more as as someone, given my role outside in my real world, in my business world, I kind of feel like that's past me now. And my role is to support other people in those leadership roles and help them to navigate the fear and sometimes the loneliness and just be supportive. Wonderful. Is there anything else you'd like to add today, James? No, Brendan, thanks, mate, for having me on. And I hope I sound natural and I hope it's helped.

Close - Your Feedback & How To Be On The Show

SPEAKER_00 17:32

You do. You've been very authentic. Your icebreaker's blown me away. But the whole thing has been fabulous. Thank you so much for joining. It's been an absolute pleasure and an honour. Thanks, James. Thanks, Brendan. Thanks for listening to today's show. One of the key elements of Toastmasters is evaluations. This is how we grow and improve, both by encouraging comments for things we've got right and points for improvement. We all learn and benefit from these evaluations, not just the person being evaluated. So any feedback in the comments is greatly appreciated. If you have a Toastmasters story you'd like to share, or would like to be on the show, I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me at Toastmastersworldtour at gmail.com. Thanks for listening.